Short Stories & Such

Celebrity Fender Bender

Lulu had just pulled out of the building, where she attended traffic school for the second time in two years. One full day of attendance and the ticket would be cleared off her record… again. If only the responsibility of driving weren’t such a chore, she wouldn’t have to enroll anymore.
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She drove a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle with the top almost chewed to bits. A job at Coffee Express wouldn’t enter her in the best-dressed hostess contest, but like her dear Daddy always said, “Lulu, you’ve gotta save, save, save, ‘cuz nothin’s free in life.” Except, Daddy didn’t know about the new purse she spent her paycheck on or the latest smartphone she eyed at the mall and now had stuffed in her back pocket.
Those were the thoughts that staggered her mind the minute her car was hit by the rear bumper of a black Cadillac upfront; a light fender bender that caused their trunk to pop open. The tinted windows and fine finish spelled out R-I-C-H and she knew this would not bode well on her car insurance.
Lulu clutched the steering wheel and bit her lip. “Get a grip.” She turned off the engine and unbuckled her seatbelt. “Emergency lights.” She reminded herself to press the button. “Make sure and assess the damage.” She stepped out of her car and a tall man stepped out of the Cadillac.
Lulu covered her mouth, “Oh, man, oh man oh man.” She lifted her finger from her free hand, “You’re… you’re…”
The tall man sprinted toward her and lowered her hand. “Sh, young lady. Don’t you know it’s not polite to point?” He looked around as drivers glanced through their windows at the accident. He waved them away with a smile.
“But… but you’re Nathan Fillon from Firefly… and Castle!”
Nathan wiped his forehead. His eyes shifted left and right, “Okay, tell you what, I’ll let this slide.”
“What?” The shock of standing face to face with her favorite actor began to wade, “This was not my fault…” she gulped saliva down her throat. “You backed up into me during a green light.”
“I know, but we don’t have to call the police… Here.” he handed her a card with his name and contact information. “Why don’t you swing by and we can talk this over, hmm?”
Lulu got hold of the card and stared at it blankly, almost melting. Was this an invitation to his next television episode? She felt dizzy from being this close to Nathan Fillon and she let the card slip.
Nathan caught her before she collapsed.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, yes, it’s just…” and that’s when she saw it. “What’s that?”
“What’s what?” Nathan looked around.
“It being the body lying inside the trunk of your car,” she pointed.
Nathan smoothed out her blouse’s shoulder ruffles, “What?”
“That!” Lulu pointed to his trunk.
“Oh, that that.”
She leaned closer and yelped, “That’s Bruce Campbell from Army of Darkness… and Burn Notice!
Nathan nodded nonstop. “Yes, yes he is... let me explain.”
“You killed him?”
“No, but let’s get this straight.” He placed his hand on the top of the Cadillac. “I’ll let this slide, hey, why not?” He shrugged his shoulders. “But on one condition.” He raised his finger.
Lulu’s eyes widened. “What?”
“You forget about this thing and I’ll pay for any damage to your car.”
Lulu noticed Bruce’s famous profile and dark hair, and he seemed to be without ropes. “I always thought he was great.”
“Okay.” Nathan closed the trunk door. “Bruce’s last wish before his heart attack was to take him in the trunk of my car to the hospital.”
“Really?”
“Yes, we’re on our way… you know… gonna pay my respects there.”
Believe me when I tell you that Lulu was confused. “Why would anyone make a dying wish like that?”
“Ahh, Bruce was kind of… hmm… eccentric.”
Lulu caught sight of Nathan’s fingers tapping the trunk. Was she on some sort of show already or was she daydreaming this? But if she could avoid the penalty from the car insurance…
“Well, in that case, you have nothing to worry about from me.”
“I knew you’d understand. I knew the minute I saw you.” He brought his fingers to his lips.
“Yeah, well…”
“Here.” he handed her four hundred dollar bills. “This should be enough to cover any expenses. If not, give me a call… um?”
“Lulu.”
“Lulu. Thank you.” He smiled, picked up the card on the floor and handed it to her, then, walked back into his car, slammed the trunk closed, and revved up the engine. He waved goodbye as he drove off.
Lulu stood with her mouth gaping. She still held the card with Nathan Fillon’s personal number. “Wow.”
“So, did she buy it?” Bruce stuck out his head by pushing the seat cushions open from inside the trunk.
“I think so.”
“Maybe you went a little overboard with the whole dying wish thing.” Bruce crawled out of the trunk.
“She would have freaked out if I told her I killed you.”
Bruce nodded. “But the cash?”
“We did hit her car.”
Bruce placed his hand on his chin. “You think next time I should grumble?”
“Nah, we’re not doing the zombie thing.”
“Maybe you should be the dead one.”
Nathan chuckled and turned on the GPS. “Where to now?